English Art/Literary Poetry & Literature

Labrina’s speech was so rapid it could only be compared with a waterfall gushing down from the Yellow Mountains. She swallowed her words and confounded the meaning of phrases, forgetting what she had just said and starting from the beginning over and over again …

Dear native English speakers!
Please advise on the phrase – is it possible to put it this way? Is the idea clear enough? Does it sound natural at all?
Being no NES myself, I would appreciate your suggestions greatly.

P.S. This translation is supposed to be for children of 10-12 years old.