This site uses cookies. Some of these cookies are essential to the operation of the site, while others help to improve your experience by providing insights into how the site is being used. For more information, please see the ProZ.com privacy policy.
Cookie settings
take out from inside
an according force

Glossary entry

English term or phrase:

as if there was a wind blowing from within

English answer:

as if a strong wind were blowing from within

Added to glossary by David Russi
Jun 10, 2005 04:29
19 yrs ago
1 viewer *
English term

as if there was a wind blowing from within

English Art/Literary Poetry & Literature children's literature
He opened the chest and peeped inside. Whatever he saw there gave him such a shudder that his crown fell off his head. His gray hair became disheveled as if there was a strong wind blowing from within the chest.


Dear native English speakers!
Please advise if the phrase sounds OK to you. I kind of doubt about it.
Thank you!
Responses
4 +8 as if a strong wind were blowing from within the chest
4 +1 as if a strong wind were blowing inside
5 as if a strong wind were blowing from inside it
3 +2 His gray hair became disheveled as if by a strong wind emanating from the chest

Discussion

Rachel Fell Jun 10, 2005:
"What" not "Whatever" - "What he saw there made him shudder so much... , as if a strong wind were blowing from within.."
David Moore (X) Jun 10, 2005:
Suggest you close the first sentence with "...his crown fell off."
After all, where else would he wear a crown, but on his head?

Responses

+8
3 mins
Selected

as if a strong wind were blowing from within the chest

...became disheveled, as if a strong wind were blowing from within the chest
Peer comment(s):
agree Tsu Dho Nimh : you were splitting the verb by too many words, and needed the "were" to indicate that it really isn't a wind.
3 mins
agree Melanie Nassar : and ...whatever he saw there made him shudder so much that...
1 hr
neutral aira07 : do you think that "within" implies that the wind is contained inside the chest?
1 hr
agree Refugio : yes, the subjunctive is needed
2 hrs
agree Balasubramaniam L. : I think aira07 has a point there. "Within" and "blowing out" are contradictory.
3 hrs
agree jrb : yes, subjunctive; and blowing from within the chest is fine IMO
3 hrs
agree David Moore (X)
4 hrs
agree Alp Berker
9 hrs
agree Alfa Trans (X)
1 day 1 hr
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thank you for your help David! Thanks everybody!"
+1
7 mins

as if a strong wind were blowing inside

But I'd use peered instead of peeped. And "gave him such a shudder" doesn't seem quite right either. And startled him so much that his crown fell off his head. His gray hair became disheveled as if a strong wind were blowing inside the chest.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 16 mins (2005-06-10 04:45:41 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Suddenly his gray hair was disheveled as though from a strong wind blowing inside the chest.
Peer comment(s):
agree Refugio : ...peered inside. Whatever he saw there made him shudder so much that his crown fell from his head.
2 hrs
Something went wrong...
38 mins

as if a strong wind were blowing from inside it

His gray hair became disheveled as if a strong wind were blowing from inside the chest.

Also, I think "peeked" works better than "peeped."

I also agree with Kim that "shudder" doesn't sound quite right either. Maybe something like "He shuddered so hard/violently at what he saw, his crown fell off his head"? Just a suggestion. =)

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 40 mins (2005-06-10 05:09:08 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I think that \"from\" is needed in this sentence to indicate that the wind is coming from inside the chest (unless I\'m reading this wrong and that\'s not what you meant...)
Peer comment(s):
neutral Rachel Fell : I'd say peeped rather than peeked, but did the king peep/peek, peer or just look?
14 hrs
Something went wrong...
+2
48 mins

His gray hair became disheveled as if by a strong wind emanating from the chest

He opened the chest and looked inside. What he saw there made him shudder so much that his crown fell off his head. His gray hair became disheveled as if by a strong wind emanating from the chest
Peer comment(s):
neutral aira07 : I like the "as if by a strong wind," but maybe "emanate" is too big a word for a children's book?
31 mins
Thanks.
agree Refugio : sorry, hadn't seen your "made him shudder so much" when I wrote my response to Kim...and also, this is not a book for young children and I think emanating is just fine...how else do we learn our big vocabulary?
1 hr
Thanks, Ruth, I am much indebted to you for your kind comments.
agree Rachel Fell : I put something similar in a "note to asker" above; N.B. if for UK it's "grey" and "dishevelled"; agree with Ruth about the big words! It's not for you to apologise - I wrote my note before reading all your answer
14 hrs
Thanks Rachel, due to server delays the posts of other answers become visible here (Ahmedabad, India) after a period of time and I sometimes end up repeating other answers. My apologies.
Something went wrong...
Close search
Term search
  • All of ProZ.com
  • Term search
  • Jobs
  • Forums
  • Multiple search