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1st Annual ProZ.com Translation Contest: "Awakening" » Italian to English

Competition in this pair is now closed.

Source text in Italian

Ho perso il conto del tempo che siamo stati nascosti qui, tra gli scarti di fieno puzzolente e tanfo di umanità sporca e spaventata. E’ da poco passato Natale e l’abbiamo passato in questa stalla, insieme ai compaesani affamati, tremanti di freddo e paura. Quasi come Gesù Bambino, solo che almeno lui aveva un bue e un asinello che lo scaldavano con l’alito. Noi manco quelli. Gli asini se li sono portati via i militari, per trasportare il trasportabile, anche il corredo di mamma; i buoi … non ci vuole molto per capire che fine hanno fatto, già da tempo, anche i più tosti da masticare.
Al buio crepato dal fioco chiarore mattutino, accucciata alla mia schiena per scongiurare il gelo, mia sorella Teresina mormora «Checchina … sei sveglia?» Sussurra, come siamo ormai abituate a fare, per renderci il più trasparenti possibile, ragazze ombra che si fanno forza solo per proteggere una madre vedova e tre fratelli più piccoli, anche se non sono sicura di quale protezione potremmo mai offrire.
«Si, sono sveglia, ma taci o svegli tutti e incominciano con le lagne per la fame e chi li sente … ».
«Hai ragione, ma c’è qualcosa che non va … non riesco a capire … ».
«Teresì, c’è la guerra, cosa vuoi di più?»
«Ma no, ascolta bene … »
Tendo le orecchie. Nella penombra scorgo le sagome dei poveracci che hanno perso tutto in pochi mesi, traditi da re e ragion di stato. Sento solo il respiro angosciato di chi copre la testa con le braccia in un gesto istintivo, per allontanare quell’incubo che è la nostra quotidiana realtà: colpi di cannone che rimbombano, mitragliatrici che sferragliano, bombe che ululano, carri armati che fanno tremare la terra prima che li si vedano arrivare.
E ascoltando bene, mi rendo conto che la guerra tace.

The winning entries have been announced in this pair.

There were 31 entries submitted in this pair during the submission phase, 7 of which were selected by peers to advance to the finals round. The winning entries were determined based on finals round voting by peers.

Competition in this pair is now closed.


Entries (31 total; 7 finalists) Expand all entries

Entry #6920
Winner
Voting points1st2nd3rd
306 x42 x22 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.403.43 (14 ratings)3.36 (11 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 5 users entered 10 "like" tags
  • 9 users agreed with "likes" (22 total agrees)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
+2
amongst the rotting leftover hay and the cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity
Flows well
very good ​word choic​e, flows w​ell - exce​llent
Rachael Alexander
-1
the cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity.
Flows well
Kristel Kiesel
+2
1
cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity
Good term selection
Kimberly De Haan
+2
that would have made the toughest eating
Flows well
yes, that'​s the idea​!
Kimberly De Haan
-1
+4
who find the strength to go on only because
Flows well
very nice
Kimberly De Haan
+3
prick up my ears
Good term selection
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
+5
betrayed by king and country
Flows well
Kimberly De Haan
the anguished breathing
Good term selection
Rachael Alexander
trying to keep out that nightmare that is our daily reality
Good term selection
Rachael Alexander
+4
1
I realise that the war has fallen silent
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones (X)
Entry #7031
JRM (X)
JRM (X)
Winner
Voting points1st2nd3rd
303 x48 x22 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.323.54 (13 ratings)3.10 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 2 users entered 4 "like" tags
  • 10 users agreed with "likes" (22 total agrees)
+6
1
to keep the cold at bay
Good term selection
Kimberly De Haan
+6
1
wretches
Good term selection
Kimberly De Haan
+8
1
betrayed by king and country
Flows well
Kimberly De Haan
+2
the war has gone quiet.
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones (X)
Entry #7502
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
Italy
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
295 x44 x21 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.653.60 (15 ratings)3.69 (13 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
  • 2 users agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
  • 3 users disagreed with "likes" (3 total disagrees)
-3
+1
Christ Child
Other
better tha​n "Baby Je​sus", whic​h doesn't ​sound righ​t here
Rachel Fell
+2
tanks that shake the earth underfoot before they rumble into sight.
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones (X)
Entry #8137
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
297 x401 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.143.28 (18 ratings)3.00 (16 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 4 users entered 5 "like" tags
  • 10 users agreed with "likes" (21 total agrees)
  • 2 users disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
+1
amidst the putrid straw sweepings, surrounded by the stench of human filth and despair
Flows well
brilliant
Rachael Alexander
-1
+5
1
surrounded by the stench of human filth and despair
Flows well
Enza Longo
+1
famished and trembling from the cold and from fear
Good term selection
Rachael Alexander
+5
everything they could lay their hands on
Good term selection
Kimberly De Haan
-1
+9
2
And then it dawns on me, the din of war is over
Flows well
nicely put
Sarah Ferrara
Entry #6383
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
214 x41 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.303.50 (12 ratings)3.10 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 3 users entered 5 "like" tags
  • 9 users agreed with "likes" (16 total agrees)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
+2
stringiest
Good term selection
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
+5
2
fading away into the feeble light of dawn
Flows well
like this ​translatio​n of diffi​cult sourc​e terminol​ogy
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
-1
+1
1
We must be invisible. We are girls of the shadows,
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones (X)
+5
wretches
Good term selection
Perfect wo​rd to desc​ribe these​ poor peop​le
Kimberly De Haan
+3
betrayed by king and country
Flows well
nice choic​e of words
Kimberly De Haan
Entry #8149
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
204 x41 x22 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.173.33 (12 ratings)3.00 (11 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
  • 3 users agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
+3
faint light of dawn breaks through the darkness
Good term selection
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)
and then there’ll be no end to it…
Good term selection
Helen Pringle
Entry #8005
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
184 x402 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.453.46 (13 ratings)3.44 (9 ratings)
Entry tagging:
  • 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
  • 7 users agreed with "likes" (8 total agrees)
+6
betrayed by king and country
Flows well
Kimberly De Haan
+2
anxious breathing of those who instinctively hide their heads in their arms to keep at bay the nightmare that is our daily life
Flows well
reads well​ - really ​good
Rachael Alexander